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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a& F* H3 q+ O: Q  C* N" w

$ \9 A) n5 y: r2 C  bike and asked for forgiveness.
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) w9 c) S$ _5 f* B' z6 ]/ Q8 ^  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一- J8 F, Z; B8 }+ E! W

& \$ n6 Q4 N8 a  辆然后求上帝宽恕。7 Q# e; {, N  _8 N# w
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  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
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) k8 C( p! t- _4 T  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.7 H" g% h+ X* W) U+ c! u) d  j0 ~
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  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一* \* U6 F$ |6 l4 K) y6 l
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  样死法啊!
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  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you6 ?/ x/ y3 l: U& b. l9 y! h
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  with experience.6 x( X+ S% x) ?/ X
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  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.; f5 j! Q; |0 e4 I, p
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  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。8 X  \0 J$ w" \' q
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  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。
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  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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6 y3 e. a- {9 u: |' Z2 J$ q. H' Y  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.) Z, B) h% s3 [% {8 I  k  Y
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  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
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  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。, t0 T4 v0 E3 q4 u8 X# e
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  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.* [' V5 A4 ]0 k( u* k- [! ]

0 w+ @& D  k" m  o9 [0 u: `  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd; t* ~3 y1 P7 D. M1 g
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  better have a good hand.
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' m2 z! p" r5 ]$ G  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。" T7 a+ ^2 k/ o; O
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  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca5 m. D/ ]2 }2 i# m

2 Z, G& P" F4 h2 E  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去7 [2 v( D( V! U

2 J4 a% S$ P3 t6 Y7 K. r0 L  还是很有喜感。
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  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
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* J3 ]% |' [$ R6 |' j" ~  ged regularly, and for the same reason.
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9 `1 p6 G- ]; C, @1 Y  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏) U( f$ }3 O( A3 J
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  了!!
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  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
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+ m: h( T. S3 Z. C! |3 p  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。0 n% ~: ^! `6 J/ q8 A9 |

6 T# P7 x( h+ v  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship8 V0 _* Q1 \8 z2 ]9 |) U2 K) C

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  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!0 H" _$ e6 L" {# h) T, ^

: C* |, B: Q9 J* s  ?( q  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。% g2 I) e9 |( I6 S. W+ |

) a) B$ A3 Z2 ~, P- E  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public./ V9 M; A6 Z" K6 l! A

5 f* G3 T/ z: G  v7 Q, {  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。: v% D9 U( e, ^6 L, H* G! U
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  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
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) T7 l$ N. C$ @* v. _  A2 o  n, make him a sandwich.
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  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!2 g3 y: G9 D' b- P# T) g
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  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
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) r' L# V2 G3 j/ u+ b5 n  il you hear them speak.
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  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...) E5 E; j3 _. n$ {; F$ q0 `
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  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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" M$ R: e* k( y; u& f  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。& o$ b+ ]% y: n4 x0 {2 ^

5 T3 F- V5 f3 {+ e& N' m, l  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
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! v4 k3 x& I* T$ C# S2 L; j: h' z: W  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""
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  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
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$ s, m8 {: L) m- {  V  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...5 L/ q* S5 n* P- \3 T

2 k- k1 Z$ |" ]' o: b! z  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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  tell you why it isn't.
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. L& o3 ]+ T1 m) T/ v- [  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。% m6 s2 X! S1 h" v
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  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole) j" ~+ K: W  c$ j: _  `4 p! b
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  box to start a campfire?' S3 M  Q$ K; r! L" P( |7 F
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  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!9 E- |0 w9 A7 |) }- R* j3 n

$ Q0 ~, W- Q1 G. p  y/ p5 z. u* W  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科/ m5 F, i" A. H4 |' k2 `4 g- ~* r

+ [2 i# i" n+ b* U7 h  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
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3 s1 _% |2 H" q+ E5 I! _7 l  s it?
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# F2 c8 @9 z* _/ A& V% h0 l6 K7 N/ S  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?9 d# s+ R% c* D7 T- _+ K0 o1 r
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  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
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  uit salad.5 F6 A5 \% L8 d

: {3 _1 |9 L5 T/ e! ~9 |  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
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  篮子。# O" A% p% a+ r& Q! Z( b- J" B2 {" U

8 @& }4 j; A. s  s. A  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"
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  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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4 P% Y& g# S# O/ i  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!- n6 M" v# f5 s4 p# ]! N; W. D2 R

8 W" \2 F; j' y  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
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  same night.2 \3 y# O/ ~& u+ o* B0 ]6 B

9 ~8 k6 G4 y, ?$ ?8 V( f9 o  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
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: B( W2 `, R& R$ p  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. _( G+ A4 X2 S: T2 k2 D. ~& F
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  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。% V6 w9 w+ O" n4 a7 O9 R8 h+ t
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  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
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9 ]+ b3 L  o( I( Z- X  a; x  . On my desk, I have a work station..
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$ T" ^$ V' f! ~1 a- J9 g  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…6 R& o$ v$ w$ s/ z1 M9 y
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  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
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3 f0 D9 r/ s* _' e9 [1 C# i( {  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。/ u  F* W( k& J8 w2 k

% A, p- _- ]9 f; ]# d7 j6 I( o  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv; d' T2 v0 p# Z% q& N$ A: L
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  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
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  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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3 ]% {) D* d2 ?- ?# G" k4 K6 ^  了。
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  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
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% q- B2 ]; p) t) q7 A3 K% ?  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!' D0 |1 N; f& P9 c- G0 p# S) w
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  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!: b- b- L3 k, W; @
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  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
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% F% g) U( z! d4 |# _  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”
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9 |9 c0 r8 ]& H4 g- k  R  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk1 b6 v( Y2 u5 p% c! [4 c" b9 B
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  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
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! [* O+ x5 G; Y& \" z9 G  up.
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  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu6 D' k2 N7 e  S/ Z, c
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  t check when you say the paint is wet?3 A1 y: A% n% }% E; t4 J

) c! @7 L; t$ g% O6 a) l  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?: `0 B) ~4 I  c# j+ w: K. D, j

+ t$ ^9 j! c+ E5 Y5 K  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al. z8 p* \* y. d) J/ ]% H, \) }! Q+ T
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  l doubt.0 y6 r1 O4 u0 q- p

+ E6 [& h, S, I  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
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  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。- U' S3 B3 h; M& a
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
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  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。1 [0 R" `7 r7 o' {

! H! }" e! f, T* U% N  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
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  t need it.  Z2 ~7 z7 v" D! o- p8 Y
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  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
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3 q) a  h  u" H+ X% X  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。, L# \$ Y" ~- Y1 L2 Y! V
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  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
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  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
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$ ]+ |% C& b8 n: H8 e3 e% [! \  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!1 x6 V" b3 M; f! W5 T9 g; C

6 t* a. Z' \- {$ X4 c# A* t  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫4 {' R- o( c- D) f  Q& y
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  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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6 t: z; X" }/ X9 S  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?
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  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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2 c* l+ N. @1 b% G  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。1 z& Z3 ^1 r+ ~6 }% r* e9 u

: x3 o  a8 @7 a7 h; E  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.& \! E9 [2 D. k

! C" u; C+ e6 i  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
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  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟") i: M( z/ R, g0 X
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  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
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- P! X6 I- i' r* W/ u  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.' H' F& {: A' u; s* x; A- l
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  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等& I; h9 M1 B! n2 ^( W) K- q

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- d9 L( Q. V6 h/ W1 f  a9 \  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.! K9 Y- y6 B3 `1 h

5 n3 U  G+ C/ n# F" e  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。0 K5 z7 n: c: Q. B: i5 J7 x7 H
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  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi5 ]( A0 Y; r; f% v, X) O
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  rls live.5 i. Y% c! q  Q% m7 ?) j+ N
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  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!: H6 x, y+ n) E9 d/ ~6 ^
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  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
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  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。4 M4 U9 }) L9 o' s& N0 T
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  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。
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  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go." ?$ }* q( ^2 F4 ~3 `
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  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.4 M* \6 j+ y2 `- U, |

8 U2 I. u( j& Y" A$ Z9 c& h  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a; D  R1 s2 U/ z7 C+ ~
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  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.  y+ k# }% p8 {8 N
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  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨* f0 c* J' a! {' m$ O; m4 j& X
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  叫声是一样滴。
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- [* k8 u, \# F7 n; g' u& h: w  b, w  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
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" D- P& B" \- v) {' E  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
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  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。. d6 M( \' G, ]

3 `. M1 `% \' L% d- Q( F6 I9 H) ]; C  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you." h' Y1 w, W! _  t
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!8 j; P  @; Q6 i1 G! n7 |1 ?

# v+ P# Z. @, [  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc
4 ^* |" }! Z/ B: Y; Y9 j# b; V4 D, a
  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
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  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什( s6 R% E7 W$ L" T4 _
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  么忙?!5 q3 o5 ^0 L. u6 A

2 ^' W* ]. y) Z/ a5 P5 |  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
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) o( z' Y$ H! \7 z! B6 V  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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