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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a7 A( ]: a$ H& V  P8 w# |

  o9 Y5 i% r* p% @* x: k  bike and asked for forgiveness.
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  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一8 f3 |- |- B9 }
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  辆然后求上帝宽恕。- }9 c! N* f( d/ v

8 l# ~* Q8 P" q% d* v, {5 Z  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
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* Q8 C# T" V* P9 ]7 o9 m& Y, I  X  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
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  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一* \6 ~  ~, }1 j% \

: t$ V# H% g$ C0 z8 e& G! u% {: M; B  样死法啊!
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8 S5 Y0 t+ Y. s9 s  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
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  with experience.
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) S& D& Z/ N4 A9 y  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你. ?8 A2 Q  J6 D% N% f" w

2 i# j2 R( E% V, N0 ^" h3 v7 K  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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: E  r+ f9 k; D+ J( D  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
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  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。4 z2 G( T- h6 D1 N% v* r' o

) X% L$ H) S% x& L$ Q  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。$ V: h! [/ I- E+ m7 r8 ^$ d+ L# R. Y
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  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
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  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。7 W' ^" w0 M. v- U

" }* E8 }4 a) i6 g8 v  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.2 z9 J) a: ]3 w: Z0 d" S' y
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  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.# F/ H; T  g3 g2 v7 q
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  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd
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  better have a good hand.$ R: b7 {, o! t1 u7 I
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  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。& f. f; K+ Z. u9 e

) Y- e- x& s7 T' p2 j7 u4 V  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca0 y& d1 A1 [: {) B5 G' s

; y8 _& x' d. o) }0 z  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.6 l1 O0 q/ W, z
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  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去0 x  P$ w3 H' v. y
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  还是很有喜感。
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  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan$ t7 T: D$ V! \# |! T) P

9 j' e  d. O# A2 x! N0 N4 D! v  ged regularly, and for the same reason.
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& \3 g% f5 B; I" x. s0 Z  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏
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' i8 t& D6 v5 f" M" a  了!!
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' i. ^4 S7 |; V  a0 Q  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
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+ {( O6 H! Y/ h6 D" O& G  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。6 Z0 K# Z6 x; r" u/ Y6 g

* S5 R1 [2 c7 @! i/ G1 P  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
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4 I' h6 a- K: P4 g! f  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!
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, K/ `6 `: {- D3 m% b  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.+ z5 o: f- v& E

7 C: o! p# B7 L* m8 b  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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+ y! r5 u: }! s- Y  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio. k9 s* }, s+ ]

4 t8 D7 j8 E- z1 W  n, make him a sandwich.) s. ^% Q  A( X) ]1 q! G

3 r& |, I+ f0 y% k3 G  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!
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  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt( l6 d2 o2 G) f& r3 m' N" H

' d" s/ F$ g/ x3 c3 n  il you hear them speak.
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& A) F# a& ?5 Q1 x; K8 x  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
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9 r: p8 W% h0 ?9 X3 l( p; b  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.( S( w$ T0 L  f) M( S

$ |3 B2 ^9 _- y5 }: b  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。5 V& b, w8 }4 |- I# L* ]4 C3 j

# q# r% s+ A, b( d. i  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.6 l- l4 C- y- l  W
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。9 h# j- e$ ?  n8 l

9 p/ g  w% ]7 ?7 d( B" A  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
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, B/ f/ y* G3 H; }) z& T  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""' |" m- T# n6 i4 |4 e
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  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.+ F- [- j, E0 \+ j9 N
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  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...; v' y. i9 o4 k$ }, H

4 I+ H& e3 b, W# @0 n  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to* A& A0 |0 H# U# D
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  tell you why it isn't.( @% i: r! |- w% A! u
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  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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! P  S4 M7 E8 W  o; F" }  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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/ x7 P; Y! O* f% {) n- ~  box to start a campfire?
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  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
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  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科
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  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
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9 Y& h+ ]& B2 h! i: n  s it?
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  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?1 p: K( @5 i0 O5 M7 i

/ s1 K* J4 f- z  l. F  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
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  uit salad.
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  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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, {& O4 g' z9 m6 Z  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
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  篮子。
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4 D7 g0 v# q, u# _$ a! I. W  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别", {. [9 @+ m- ^

5 a  F" Q! R$ a1 z0 V- }$ C  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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/ {7 p" w2 j: J7 v1 U& y1 L& P. G  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!( q6 t& F+ r9 W) W2 Q7 U* k- t

0 e7 R  S9 V- @, x  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the, i. ^8 R' a) M

% k% }/ X( Y; S5 e- O  same night.8 Y3 x7 a9 R# ]( q, M: l% `/ Q

; f6 Y' l( M) h; R1 q  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
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  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
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: [7 X8 X; R# a8 a" T  q7 x- x, d  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。3 D6 v* y: g- y8 Z6 E% c
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  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops' x% i+ b# J- A7 ^
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  . On my desk, I have a work station..; w0 I2 @2 K1 F2 a9 ~' I" @: a

3 F3 p( e( Q: D1 P1 N6 e* L6 P  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
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  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
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  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
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  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the) G8 R5 t* d+ o/ [3 g: s, a

. d+ o5 f9 i6 U5 |6 m  m fish?
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+ Q+ U5 B3 o; X; w8 Q  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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  了。
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  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin- A5 j0 W: E6 e: b9 g

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  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!3 j( i% X0 Z6 v6 X, F- c
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  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!
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" _2 P" \2 @/ O) N) n' I  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
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  ts?": i8 D+ |" |$ q5 W5 b, s, e& b
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  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”
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  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk6 `  h! u# t2 ]0 ^. _
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  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-1 o: V8 _6 L: o: n0 R4 i+ a  r
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  up.: [7 O  o" x( K* k; o5 H
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  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu
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5 P2 ?: e4 H) f" T% S& i  t check when you say the paint is wet?( p9 [* |  h# r

  G" M* [6 Q9 a) E* T0 o  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
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+ R% K1 ~8 j, a  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al, a' _( H* w, I) C

2 O. A- L8 ?) T$ ?* y, F* g  l doubt.+ Q! [1 Z: Z- l& ]5 k5 W

$ h& J" p5 u" [! }' A  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
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* p; b, B! s- D2 Z  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。
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. J6 y/ H  {' F  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释" Z, u- |5 b  i7 f* v

+ T, f( m, t) Z' z! I  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。0 ?9 ]4 d) j, l5 e. S, w
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  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
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) W6 _9 G5 ]! M9 w3 c  O6 `  t need it.& |+ a2 J3 Y) [* |; c  I! C
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  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方+ e9 Z" C+ b$ L( Q( E+ A' h
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  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
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  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。/ O- W/ |: t1 H- P! y
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  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
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  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!1 B- ]7 c$ `( A- @% Z- o/ @' {

- w6 K1 e6 D" P9 N  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!
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7 s- V  L! o, r* i; @8 Z; L) M  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫5 o& k7 ^( \! W$ Q" v, c) Z& V
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  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.) J) S* R1 V/ ^$ M/ Z6 @# s7 V

$ G8 \2 r% [! n& }; O" V9 Y/ X  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?
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5 v  X8 f7 w9 E  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”/ O  ~; @! L0 I( j" _
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  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。6 e7 H. m. ]4 U- Y% h: h
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  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
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* r/ e" ?; A7 ^% }5 P* K% R  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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% U1 O9 J; ]7 }8 S' s4 z1 _5 n  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.% {5 e8 `1 [5 I) c) r

9 _3 f" k2 n; ?  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"# \% q% W" d- C8 G9 |

5 w5 p1 P! m- u" y  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
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  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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; \/ H. F* F4 G4 _, s  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
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" e  v: q" g1 f" e# C0 N  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.9 t1 j  [6 J. I1 u( @
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  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。2 Q! c# p+ _! O1 V

# M, b0 P  I3 @  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi+ B" G6 ]: }+ P  v
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  rls live.
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  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!) Z) m# g1 Z1 x9 W) C0 b1 `
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  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
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  q$ V: y- A* F  B  C  N$ r" P, |  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。, _% l2 W! \* y- h

6 w: |3 A! T: b6 t: H  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。+ K0 e9 A6 K" @! n% |4 ^

3 s- d9 ~' a7 ?! m) O  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.' E. d9 D3 m# A7 E

2 w7 T0 z& I) q. E1 M  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.7 m3 [8 o8 N- O$ x) W

7 k& d' Q" l. |4 ?  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
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  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.5 G: e- x3 P: s- V! u

; Z: s! c1 T: S5 o- Z$ r8 j  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨2 \+ m+ \& y# p- ^; ]8 Q7 Q: e: H

, x& N' Y# V8 r* s7 W3 B/ _  叫声是一样滴。
" \: {. ?! e/ t8 A
1 R) E9 _/ z  h7 W* a; T  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
3 d4 m$ W" G3 n
) z- _9 h( R+ ]2 ]0 a: a  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
4 r8 Z9 Q* _+ D$ v, M4 t
# i( b. m/ n6 C* `$ V0 Z  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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4 W( G" |& _) G# G  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.9 \1 D3 [* e& s" Y  J
0 v9 k4 T$ o. e8 G0 s& D% z$ O$ k
  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!1 c' C& q4 \0 b. \$ R; d
+ R* c/ ]$ L, Q/ T" ]
  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc+ b5 g0 F  ?- y: I+ O
" H; Y* K: I: S  D# f
  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?" S/ j: ?& a& w! U; W6 r3 Z
! X, g/ g3 i. U' V: E/ [
  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什/ ]+ ^8 p% F; X+ d& e( Y4 Z+ D$ K) |

4 K) L, L* e: B8 z& w. k  么忙?!1 ?- ]8 A5 x$ q5 |

0 ]( M0 b6 F  q% b! l/ S7 L1 P- {  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
$ o) t- t. K1 C- W) T" i4 X! l" l
5 I9 u2 a0 V2 s6 V! v  j7 j: U' b  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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