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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a6 E; ^, K9 B  C
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  bike and asked for forgiveness.5 S( \5 }" U* t
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  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一% f6 n1 Q  _/ }- P: G1 F

: P% y$ n* |; i* C+ m& I, c1 L$ M  辆然后求上帝宽恕。+ e* v7 t: U7 u% P7 c7 I- Q$ j+ x5 o1 B
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  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a( n& e  U' P( v" I# t, V
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  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
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/ w5 M) F+ t% ^# j( _7 \  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
: H6 ^! s+ @( ], C" }5 P% j% x6 v4 z# j
. G  ~; Q4 e! _: H' W  样死法啊!
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! e* i* j( t  P% q+ W/ d8 l  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you3 D+ |3 v# ]) A8 `+ Y1 N
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  with experience.
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  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你1 p0 j5 z3 a. ?% y) V, L9 l

1 V9 t' L: w" i) a& X7 d" @7 H  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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, k: j% R2 H" a0 Q8 m. K4 T  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。3 e8 G5 h$ F# ^
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  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。
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  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.! {, V, p4 Z# N6 R: A, d& X
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  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
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' @0 J9 P; d) M) O1 P. C  [5 [  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
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  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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# t* m5 _2 s5 L+ n1 a  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
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  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd
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  better have a good hand.: W3 q% |; h7 x/ S/ r  y
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  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。# o/ S8 l# a$ p5 r6 O; i

7 v+ l% D: q% Q7 v  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca& r& {" Y- S# o9 [* @: W6 c! e

) [8 ?& d# |4 X5 M. G  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.1 ^4 ?; u7 E6 D1 r4 v4 P
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  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去; E/ @' ?+ ]& e& J" C+ ~# Y2 C
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  还是很有喜感。& e; P6 L/ i% J" I$ ~
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  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan- i. {2 s8 B2 w, R! ^! C! J
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  ged regularly, and for the same reason.1 I7 ~$ l! u) @
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  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏$ ]% \+ w, x5 J0 V9 o7 ^' e

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5 Q7 W/ `7 ?/ N! M+ N2 x% E+ t* z  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.6 ]+ l: e/ n! a& B( H
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  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。
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  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship3 v9 z; O7 D5 ^$ b3 f0 a
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  I0 V- a7 d+ @" e& `  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!1 W. A% k8 B9 C) W* \$ l) {# x
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  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。
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; L1 o9 t7 ?5 `6 J% Z4 E9 F  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.9 a: b3 U: D* u$ w
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  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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3 H3 q/ L  M, {1 A, d+ D5 n  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
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  n, make him a sandwich.
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( U+ Z! ~; A: U0 G; P: A  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!
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, ?' }' F9 E" Q% b1 h6 c  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
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  il you hear them speak.
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  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
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, C( A. r+ x$ |0 d8 u6 B  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.# y  }. r$ r5 x- D4 N

8 C9 D5 U4 f5 P8 j- k  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.0 u9 ^5 d' H) I; _" Y( T
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。. f. d9 Q' Z! [( L7 f$ E* Q

) V: W; }+ b( w6 t: B( K1 b  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment) z; ^4 q: F( K0 L0 c+ d! s

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  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫"", E7 }9 c5 M2 V: V+ A

+ ^( B  n& G* F1 m0 q% K  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
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  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...- F, B4 G% ~( ?8 p' ]. T
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  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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  tell you why it isn't.& @( I& i/ V% j* d

  V% I  G) B7 q, v' V  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。
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$ t! \. q8 F4 q6 e  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole* u8 g, x5 V3 ^
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  box to start a campfire?
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  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
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  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科. R1 e0 w. @- A

7 S8 Y$ R: m( v) c  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
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. a# ~1 J. E2 L( E4 d# f" s  s it?
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3 {- j5 q: q% l" q; x" ^  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?
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& s/ N) j: [. l3 S" b2 c4 n  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
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- m4 V' i1 t* b  uit salad.! N/ O& l7 M5 C6 c! ^# Q
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  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
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  篮子。9 E7 w- k( T$ i
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  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"9 P5 a" E' L8 H

) B. m& [0 B6 ^$ m  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!
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: Q" I2 W3 D- H* y1 g8 Z* r  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
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4 B: \, b- z; ~) z  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。, c  A" ]% z0 g1 a# E3 ]9 o) i

* M& a+ X  P& ~1 Y! T$ I: d  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
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  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。: H8 m5 J8 b( p5 A2 `) g! i
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  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops
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  . On my desk, I have a work station..' t* g; W5 ^1 x
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  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…& d7 o! @+ A) E
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  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.9 f! @0 l/ A. z; `& H/ X' O

" N) z# S3 _$ L6 J  z  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
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; n9 S7 u( w  t. B& |' D  O  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv* D, \; s, H) j3 j

! F1 E0 E# e; w7 o$ d. {2 k1 k  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the- B4 Z& p% [! N* p4 `
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  m fish?
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  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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( |9 v4 ~. r0 X$ {# Y% C  了。* V+ X& B2 W. x: z, k

) K3 _% v0 j  R$ G  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin- e5 p  U- S1 z1 v
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  g.
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. a$ S# k) i7 ~: f1 ]. z/ C$ L8 J  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!. f% E* E7 }" _7 ~* O4 B
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  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!- m) d1 S' p$ m* Q
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  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan% c0 @) o8 v$ `% |$ N5 F* J0 \
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  ts?"
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  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”
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  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
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2 Y) U- ]4 t% w  U! G, g  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
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  up.
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  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。3 Q2 q' T$ y% P, ?0 F2 j+ Q; M. Y  T
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  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu0 N# M/ ]% H* m& e$ `2 B

1 O2 H. F( ?/ g0 c+ z* X5 I, f  t check when you say the paint is wet?
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) ?, }3 q+ C# R7 X8 H% X  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
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5 l2 _) Q2 }( ]  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al7 J/ O# ~, e8 ^' q4 d; x7 W, r1 f2 w
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  l doubt.
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! ]* n( z# ~& I+ |3 T% r- O; S- y' s  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
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6 p' X9 p) |6 w# V5 M: \  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。3 Q  l7 j, }3 e

3 d2 g* \8 D8 U! B* ~: d: U1 E) U  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释% n2 G9 m) c0 q/ ?) b3 O( F& e6 W7 m9 s
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  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。& N0 D6 r/ G. z0 `

, D+ `, O& U2 n' c1 p  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'
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3 f/ f% z; |" B  j" {' g  t need it.8 \+ |9 ?+ W8 L4 Q

2 ]. l/ {% A2 e9 i5 {  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方
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  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.2 L0 l# y' m, {. c

2 j3 E; q/ t" m) A* H$ Z7 r  h  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。
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  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
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  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!
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% e$ O* I( r/ G" d4 C0 i9 O, U9 Q  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫! N$ ~( G1 b, d# ?
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  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.3 h3 ^$ p/ d& V# E# @
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  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?
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  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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# z* Y0 y: ]' s5 q  _  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。
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  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
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% c6 Z( r& }+ l4 `# r/ V  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装' T: d  Y/ z* e0 j2 U! f

. f+ x' l& ]. |+ P) Y) |! [! ?4 ~  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
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! k: F, F6 R9 V& V# q  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟") u7 m0 W: l- v1 D2 ?* q
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  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with: x) `+ Z9 }! q3 p+ ]1 ?" b
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  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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2 p3 F% r8 ^% O9 x& n  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等. K# h/ Z/ j+ l; @
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2 P3 `. r, K9 ^& c$ v9 j5 {  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.' z: k4 a2 Q/ Q: d: p1 f
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  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi& H6 \+ j0 R% j% {, h7 s

% l6 p; C3 P$ B! O& N8 J  rls live.
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  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!2 _5 C  P) ]  R  n( Y- }: n

- y0 b! F0 X- [  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear. J2 z/ y& N% l1 A8 b& L& v  c

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  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。
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4 b7 \6 U8 @( H: N2 p2 F; I  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。. Z0 X& j( G. j& v% c2 P# v

- i* C/ o/ j) N& x1 ]) X' K  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
+ B- x# E/ G: w1 o+ m9 x5 S0 r
' L" t4 i5 G" h& C! m1 W  Y  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a7 z9 A% w/ E9 W+ U

) z5 f+ E) r0 R% T& z& v  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.) h  R" P' |4 @  C
1 h$ w6 O! [: N" j0 ]
  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨" I. U% D) ]3 |$ T7 b3 z0 N5 R
* A; O2 W* t( \6 @6 k7 S
  叫声是一样滴。
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$ J: b; ?. J/ u7 i" x  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
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& u& @" n( D) a  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
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! k8 t/ T% L( N5 x! i0 _* a  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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% {$ c1 \+ u( n  e& M) Z, e" S  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.; s' v2 \4 R" t5 n: U. T

0 X, \# k2 ?# u2 J  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!
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  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc/ T3 K& s7 {$ K9 ?: U- S1 @

7 g3 I4 p+ L6 N) v, @  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?  V% b$ D+ y+ u* r3 Q/ p* B
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  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什" J; v( u( G- I5 Z+ R' @

9 O! o/ d. N* \& A( o" v' D+ D- x% v  么忙?!
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  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.6 N9 V  v9 Q" K1 K
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  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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