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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a7 l( L; b8 r5 J& x5 U) Y
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  bike and asked for forgiveness.
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2 S* q% @! P" W+ ]  |9 ?  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一/ r- {  d3 n5 k4 w& b- v* W& s1 F, A
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  辆然后求上帝宽恕。- _3 Q* r; D) t; }; g7 h

: [# g+ W) _) u: @& z1 V  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
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( @/ p0 R; W$ ?9 G; Z4 F0 `: X" z! q  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.
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* r1 @9 d' |9 Y+ H! `2 m  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一+ _- R1 `# R6 V' D% |' _1 j

% z/ W3 c  ^6 P& _+ p  样死法啊!
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& E! A9 D0 [  [7 Q  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
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8 X' e$ V/ Y% F  M& L8 e' [" I  with experience.: M2 a  C0 W# m) R2 S: N0 r

- K1 o' H8 Q$ K8 S1 e4 j' p7 a  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你$ n/ A9 ^! F2 e/ u4 y, G

$ A$ a" p' H! s' L  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。) P) H* H! r3 c) g; P8 ?, ]

" l# m, E/ f9 Y0 ]% l; Z. f  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。
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( k: N2 M: q+ M2 Y, Q  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。
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  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.' I# G4 \5 N. Z) p0 ~& c7 K. f) b5 \7 S

# x6 `$ C. D3 Q! t6 ]: o  ^  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!
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. t+ L0 v% t& Q& P! o3 ?. _  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。4 l5 ~9 }  X/ v

6 p$ @; \) @1 e2 T. A( A  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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% m! B3 N; N. @  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
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2 ~$ T6 J. @+ T* @) B! {- z  e  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd. v0 E/ A9 D6 M

, i+ T5 O1 F6 R! d/ Q! s; M4 o  D  better have a good hand.1 I( i2 \& y9 _

4 s  m% v% _% e) H5 M! r  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。6 V5 i) d5 I& P. D) _
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  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca3 x! Z) g7 F: j

2 @8 {9 y3 m1 }1 ?" D1 f5 {  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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  _' ?) Y0 ?" d* ?- I  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去( W' B2 c  d+ d. n9 \
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  还是很有喜感。0 D# J$ y7 x. ^, p

9 K& _1 q8 d( Q. M: B" U  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan
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  ged regularly, and for the same reason.
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' A; W4 f8 H( i$ O  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏
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  了!!/ \; h! k9 s* u- K* L5 X

# _: Z6 u- f; T* F+ I# I- N  p  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.: K# q  W* i% _, S3 T- d- \' e3 N! A

; q  X' e0 j' G, G9 a  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。, ]3 W3 w3 p# ]- X0 C. }# U+ L8 U
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  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
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  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!* \, w; \' n  I% ?* }  @
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  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。- S' H' o' s; I- k& X9 X3 b

! @- n+ ~, t- o  T2 {. P! I4 p% Y  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
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4 Q' D/ }) d: [8 h, N7 _  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。
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9 |% @4 @) ~5 g9 P  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio
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3 O- w3 U. C. h" l% U+ ?! i3 h  n, make him a sandwich.
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  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!
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  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt
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  il you hear them speak.1 {2 _; i3 P3 j/ H7 X8 d0 c! z- @

. @$ _+ u; R# G  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...4 R4 m! ~% |! A% {/ o) y/ F( e; |
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  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。
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  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.$ ~$ n7 O4 J& x/ f6 t

$ A/ G5 M1 j: ~/ u  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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3 m& C: s( t2 @, U3 v7 D  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment
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  s.
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- [; B7 l4 m9 g+ ^5 r8 M  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""
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  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
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  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...) T* K0 v3 J$ a* D! |

' ?/ z& l* P. `( G  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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  tell you why it isn't.& i/ K. b' K# c  w% I6 }& K

: O, R; y- H/ X0 d+ F* x% N: i7 K  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。- l- D  `2 F) u! M& X+ n8 v

% L& K- Q! q8 D- ^9 `2 i3 N" p0 {  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole, L; ]: H3 {6 V9 L5 }
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  box to start a campfire?# h/ K8 ~; ~: E! H- O
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  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
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! Z- p+ l. F% I( l" F6 a1 E  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科
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) D# x" ^! I' i  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy$ F9 R3 u. `0 d2 g- j+ `5 U1 E% ^

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; G2 `; g& Q- z7 ?" A# W+ F  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?
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4 g$ M/ c$ v& ^0 @- \6 g2 {( J  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr
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  uit salad.
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  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。
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. I( R' F$ A+ @- n) }1 E  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个* N$ b% p: D" q/ A/ K1 ?* R3 R

' s- |1 t% r6 i  篮子。* L) P' c. o& z- S% r( @3 f/ C
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  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"
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' b. q* p3 W( Q8 y  ]3 Y0 |  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!
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  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the$ Q+ `. |5 n" S! T- j

0 K& N+ f* K, a: V' Q  same night.
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  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。
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& P7 k6 p# j+ O  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian# H0 d3 B" y# f" ~8 f

+ A! X; A# t0 E; n& ^( q  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。, x! o" j9 Z- L9 j

) w6 F8 p- @+ ]. X1 j( v, ]6 @  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops( Z9 P- U) A5 x: h+ b

- p3 ?8 x+ L" T/ P- I3 O+ V  . On my desk, I have a work station..% k3 W. y/ d, v9 n! y
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  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…% R8 ^* z( n7 A( C! [: o- Z

( Z  Q& y' _! ?! Z  p: f/ a  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.9 W* H# b3 F8 p; y7 W
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  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
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4 Q- I1 L5 ?9 H2 X! e0 i  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
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  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the( F" D& @# k9 b$ G. p. z; R4 u! m0 X

4 `% \2 z, P+ x( q  m fish?& U3 p; Y' e2 W7 |/ l) B9 i: ]
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  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃& J( h3 q5 q! z! d
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  了。
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  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
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  g.
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  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!
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  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!+ S& c6 |: X8 j6 ]; v, t) R
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  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
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  ts?"
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  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”+ |, D) _& V( m+ l% I: S
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  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk6 Q/ y4 e) W! c% ]; Y% X
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  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-, A% ?- T# \6 C, W! `

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  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。
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  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu0 [5 s0 z( d- O/ G+ ^9 d
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  t check when you say the paint is wet?. a1 }# o( C7 I/ [0 f6 G

) k  n$ G/ q, ?# W9 b# \  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
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  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al5 f4 \; j# D  {) f) _2 g

3 L6 N3 {+ o( {0 n. Q" N  l doubt.
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* c" k# |" J, Q8 V, Q  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。
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  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。2 v' o7 J1 g8 I  j) L
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  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
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  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。
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  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'4 }; g8 }" R5 q% l$ k
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  t need it.( |% o1 D0 `7 ~3 j: `

5 k4 Q- _6 \+ F' S  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方% o4 G9 L* ?6 H& ]! r

5 I! B2 g8 g& S& I. g* I! ~4 ?6 P: }4 U  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.7 [" E% q$ L/ N( F0 X3 b* s
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  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。
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  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。2 Y* u+ s% R3 f7 Q
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  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
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3 m( q# k: |6 R) X  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!
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  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫
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  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.$ d1 s# @7 D; m6 W5 t% c0 C# |
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  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?- d* {8 g" |" x* D/ V# _4 F6 D3 u

6 W% i5 I4 A$ ~# w# p$ w: v! T  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。6 j+ Q" N! i# X) D. G0 @0 d; q
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  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.9 i( Z+ z% v" X- `: E) F

- K& I1 D' ~# R! m% N  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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; y& |+ [3 e# Z8 P0 r, v- c0 v' t% z  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.$ ~& F  m3 D  j' z. `0 |& i

3 X$ V+ \* H( d) Y  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"5 Z, F/ r  g% T( B! r) V! J8 u

9 L7 c( R5 ]5 D1 F+ L* e  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with8 n2 y# }) b6 T$ F7 u6 g
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  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等
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  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.7 p5 j0 e- X; v2 f) @. r
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  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。
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) G; y4 @3 G0 o3 S  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi& ~$ D. R* D  W% T% h
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  rls live.6 n2 N( ^* r" m& R2 z3 l% l( D  C

8 {2 {: A" y7 B. y% m) v9 b  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!, W7 x/ c  e! Z; U; Y1 U' J6 t

$ x0 i! m* b8 o# M' G. `; J1 ]  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear( x, D/ a% [, r7 \

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  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。- H, W5 W) r7 U; a  C( u6 d* z
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  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。( [  a" k$ o: v

8 i  K2 W, D8 s7 ^/ L% n  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.2 W6 J; }6 D3 Z! Q4 j( ~( P
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  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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$ s  Q! b1 Z1 ^6 p+ z1 Z5 b  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a* B' [$ j; L, R. a4 j& d! Y

9 d+ h& g9 ~" j5 O7 w. V# I  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
3 R# x! Q* R$ v2 x- f9 k; y% ^6 w( s+ h
  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨
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  叫声是一样滴。  M3 J/ g, ~1 w

: \8 j/ X6 H+ ?7 G8 Y  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.0 J: F- \; I% M) m" A
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  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
" ^: K1 L/ b2 b  z( t; n1 A: r% l
4 c# w0 Y7 Y0 v4 O, x  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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- H8 Q& f2 u6 F! ?, j* B8 v: z  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.$ @( a) z! S  t4 g' p
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!
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. l- C# h$ `6 `9 P  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc( ^) J( {% E: F# ^; n# f
+ [$ i3 K; ]' c0 B
  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?  X- j, L: ~4 ]" S/ a7 F
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  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什5 a  A, C6 |+ K0 X1 C5 q

( O; {9 J# U# [. H  么忙?!1 t: B2 ~  H7 _7 {: g( k# n% O
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  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.5 P3 X! }3 N, b. l; r

% ~% i; ?/ Z8 T* N* x: X  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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